10/15/2019
My husband died when he was fifty. To say that this is a milestone I’ve been looking forward to would simply be false for many reasons. I’m not sure I know any woman who has relished the thought of this half-century marker, but here I am. I have come to realize, however, in the past few weeks that I actually think I am not so terrified but ready to face it head-on. Do I dare say even slightly excited? Not just for the celebrations that will ensue, but in reality for the next chapter of my life.
These past few years since losing my husband have been difficult and fraught with many challenges. As I began to emerge from the dark tunnel that I found myself sloshing through I realized that I am lucky, and I am grateful, and I’d like to think I can teach my children that. Despite the horrific loss we have suffered, we can be happy and be grateful.
I am grateful for many things; first and foremost, I am and will be eternally grateful for the 20+ years we spent together. I realize how fortunate I was to have a loving, kind, and giving husband. One who put myself and my children first, always.
I am grateful that we had a little time to say goodbye and that my children shared time alone with him while he was in hospice.
I am grateful that his suffering was somewhat short-lived.
I am grateful for the type of father he was and the time he spent with our children; we hang on to those memories so tightly.
I am grateful for my friends as they have surrounded us and carried me and my children through our grief.
I am grateful to have kept the bonds I have with my husband’s family as they are my family too.
I am grateful for my health and that I can get up, exercise, and have a clear head (on most days).
I am grateful for therapy.
I am grateful that I found love again and that my children want me to be happy.
I am grateful that I feel my husband with me and that my children also feel his presence.
I am grateful that healing takes time and that my children and I will continue to heal, grow, and learn.
So, FIFTY, I am not so afraid of you and welcome the joys (and challenges) this next chapter will bring me.
Comentários