Three Years

5/24/19

Tomorrow marks 3 years that you have been gone. Gone from this earth, from me and our beautiful children. The overwhelming sadness has lessened, and the tears come fewer and more far between, but make no mistake, the grief is still ever present. When I look into the eyes of our kids, I grieve my own grief, but I grieve more deeply for their loss. Through this process, I have learned many lessons and realized that all of the sadness and anger can morph and grow into something beautiful if you let it.

As a family, we have become more resilient than I could have imagined. Our loss has taught me to be independent and strong. I feel more compassionate and less judgmental; I try to live each day to the fullest. I am more thoughtful in my decision-making and far less impulsive. I have kept my circle small as I have also learned that life is too short for bullshit. I love more fiercely as I live with the constant fear of another loss on my shoulder. Life is fleeting, and I don’t want to waste a second of it. Your death woke me to what life is about: love and sharing love and being loved. There is no greater gift in this life; you gave and taught me that.

I have spent these past 1095 days trying with every fiber of my being to care for them, nurture them, lessen their pain, listen to them, cry with them, laugh with them, and remember you with them. Every possible thing I can think of to lessen their grief I do. I hope it has helped them, as I know it has helped me. We have pulled each other along through this journey. They, too, are strong and fierce; they have overcome many obstacles and will continue to do so as they grow. They are not like everyone else, for they have learned life’s most torrid lesson far too early. Thank you for giving me these gifts and teaching me these lessons so I may pass them along to our children. Thank you for staying close by my side when I need you most. 286forever