11/7/19 One of my most treasured possessions are cards, cards that my husband wrote to me over the years. He didn’t just give me cards on birthdays, anniversaries, or Valentine’s Day; he gave me cards throughout the year. He would give me a card to wish me good luck on the first day of school (I was a teacher). He gave me cards to say thank you for something I did, cards to congratulate me on an event, there were cards to apologize; he even gave me a card or two on Halloween. I remember thinking several times, “Why on earth am I saving all this crap” but I thank G-d now that I did. When I’m feeling melancholy and missing him, I sit on his closet floor and open the big brown box that contains the hundreds of cards we had given each other in the 23 years we were together.
The last birthday we shared was his 50th. The last card he gave me was Valentine’s Day 2016; 3 months later, he was gone. That Valentine's card has a permanent home in my nightstand beside my bed. This is the 4th birthday of his that we won’t be celebrating together. Birthdays, however, weren’t really my husband’s thing; he always shied away from celebrating anything for himself. He only cared about celebrating his loved one’s milestones. When my husband was turning 40, I wanted to commemorate that milestone with a big surprise party, and he was pretty surprised; friends and family from around the country flew in to celebrate. When he turned 50, we had a quiet dinner with 5 couples at one of his favorite restaurants. As much fun as we had at that big party, I knew in my heart that the quiet celebration amongst the closest friends was more his speed.
Not all cards are filled with happiness and joy, so here it goes on your birthday one more card…
There are so many things you’ve missed between these birthdays, countless things I want to tell you. I so desperately want to tell you these things in person, but then I remember that you probably already know. You have missed Olivia’s entire life in high school and nearly Josh’s entire life in college, such crucial times in their lives. Do you see them? I often wonder, and I try to remember again that you do. Do you remember the young 12-year-old Liza was, now approaching 16 and a completely different girl? I pray you see them and you are proud of them. They are the amazing people they are because of the father you were to them. If I could give you one thing on your birthday, it would be the gift of seeing them blossom and grow into these amazing young adults. I hope this brings you a smile on your birthday. I hope you can have a Crown Royal RESERVE on the rocks and have the best seats in the house to watch your children, and I wish you peace for the rest of eternity.
Happy 54th my love!!!
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